Self-Management Theory

The other day I had an epiphany: I am the manager of myself. Now, this may not seem significant, but hear me out..

AI image of a woman caring for her child-self

I look at life as though there are different versions of myself. Little me, teenage me, and current me. I mainly focus on little me because she has so much wisdom. Teenage me went through the most in terms of pain and life-altering changes.

So… what?

I separate these versions of myself because often, it is our younger selves that drive the boat. Like when you’re still scared of snakes in your 20’s because when you were young you were deeply afraid of them.

Or when you realllyyy enjoy a childhood meal as an adult because it brings back all those warm fuzzy feelings of your past.

We really don’t change much unless we enforce and create an environment for change.

Hence, my self-management theory.

It’s about 2 weeks in the making, so I’ll admit I don’t really have a definition, just examples to explain it. I look at it like this: there are many memories, pain, fears and joys that we harbor, that, at the root come from our younger selves. Often, it takes our current, older selves, to tell our little selves: “I’ve got this. I know this looks and feels like *insert traumatic childhood experience* but we’re older now, which means we know more now. We are going to be okay. We are safe.”

Much of this theory revolves around re-parenting ourselves and giving ourselves the love we never received as a child.

I can’t tell you the amount of pain I went through in my first relationship. Going through physical abuse from my father, despite a few years of therapy, little me wanted to run away because she was afraid my boyfriend was a wolf in sheep’s clothing like my father. That, someday, eventually, he would be just like my dad and become suddenly abusive.

Over time, I’ve had to encourage little me, and show her that as my boyfriend has reassured me, affirmed me, comforted me and shown much care and concern for me, that she is safe.

While there may be fears from her past, I have had to show her through my healthy relationship (and several doses of reality therapy) that she really is okay, and that she is not going to get intentionally hurt, like in the past.

So, here’s more about the self-management theory:

It’s about caring and comforting yourself. Showing up for yourself. Reminding yourself that yes, we’ve been through some things in the past, but that does not have to be our now. We know more now. That means we can have different outcomes.

One of my favorite ways I have used this theory is in regard to my dreams.

As a child, I was often told “no” regarding anything to do with my dreams. But now that I live outside my parents home, I have had ample opportunity to show my younger selves that there are no longer any restrictions. I am fully capable of achieving my dreams now. I always was, but now, I have no restrictive barriers.

All in all, with this theory, I have been able to tell my younger selves “I’ve got this now. I am going to give you all you ever dreamed of. I am your biggest fan.”

Remember all the ideas you’d have as a child? All the things you were interested about as a child? The things you thought were really cool? Remember the times you actually took the idea and brought it to life? When you thought about drawing something cool so you drew it? Remember when you acted upon your ideas, thoughts and dreams?

Even if you don’t have memories like this, remember that it’s never too late to have a good childhood. You still can live a life that honors your ideas, passions, dreams, etc., regardless of your past experiences.

So, here’s to the beginning of my dream-chasin’, dream-achievin’ life. I look forward to it. Not for me, but for my younger selves who always kept dreaming for the day they would see me become all that I can be. They kept me alive many times.

That is who I do it for. They are my why. They’ve always known my purpose and what I was capable of, now it’s time to bring them to life. And I encourage you to do the same for yourself. It’s worth it, and you deserve it.

In summary:

Source: https://americasbestpics.com/picture/forgive-your-younger-self-believe-in-your-current-self-create-xjTA3hkC9?s=cl

• Give yourself the love and care you need and deserve. Start. Whatever it is that you love, start. All versions of yourself will thank you for it. Once you take the first step, another step appears.
• When it comes to your ideas, embrace them. Give them a chance. Everything in this life was once an idea. Give your ideas the same credit and opportunity to also be great.
• When there’s triggers in your life, they are serving as opportunities for you to see where you can grow. Take the opportunity. Grow, heal, and nourish your younger self.
• Most important, have fun! Color outside the lines, dance, laugh, play, ENJOY life. Every version of yourself is deserving of enjoying a good life.
• Despite your past or current pains, there is always opportunity for more joy in your life. Particularly as the older version of yourself, take responsibility for your joy and happiness. Understand that your life is in your hands. Yes, you really can make it happen. Whatever “it” is. No matter your age, what you look like, etc., there is someone out there, “less qualified” doing exactly what you want to be doing. So take a chance on you.
• At every stage of your life, you’ve had a first time. Give yourself grace for the learning curves that come naturally with life. Every day, there is opportunity for something new. It’s important to remind ourselves that it’s okay to not have all the answers and to “crawl” again.

Here’s to the dreams that are within us, waiting to be brought to life.