Perfectionism is Oppression
And it’s time to set yourself free.
It seems as though it is the fate of the creative to one day find themselves in the cycle of perfectionism, fearing to let themselves out due to the fear of being seen, judged, criticized or misunderstood.
However, it does not have to be one’s eternal fate. Meaning, even if you find yourself here, you do not have to stay. You can evict yourself. While it may seem easier said than done, I ask that you hear me out. Because, in reality, it requires a mindset shift more than anything.
I recently began to allow myself to see and call myself an artist and creative. But it took me changing my mind to accept this. It took me accepting myself to see more of who I have always been. Just because I now have the vocabulary and accept it, doesn’t mean I wasn’t before I did.
And that leads me back to the conversation at hand. It can be easy to oppress ourselves under the “security” perfectionism provides. It allows us to hide, tweak, critique ourselves before others can, and try to hit every mark we’ve made up in our mind that we have to hit in order for our creation to be…perfect.
However, the “security” is an illusion. If you’re anything like me, it kills me to not create. I feel that it is what I am here to do. This article was a must for me to produce. It took me time to allow myself to write and publish my thoughts, but I finally did it because I realized that I need to start somewhere. Even if I use a pseudonym, I am still pushing myself.
The security I thought I had under perfectionism was killing me. Literally. When it feels like your purpose, it kills you internally to not be able to create and produce the dreams and visions within you. It’s the inner self calling and crying out to be expressed. So, I gave it a voice with this blog. And my mental health has been tremendously better for it.
Hence, through my experience with this blog and other changes I have made in my life to express myself more, I quickly learned that the security I thought I had from perfectionism was non existent. I learned that I was not providing security within myself. I was damaging the relationship with myself because I was not allowing myself to be expressed. My inner child and teenager were desperate to see many dreams come to life. How dare I live my adult life as though I am still the same child/teenager I once was?
My child and teenage selves dreamed of the day she would write like this, talk like this, and express myself like this. I owe it to my past selves to at least do that in honor of all the times they couldn’t for various reasons. Because I did not allow myself to be expressed, there were insecurities. The “security” I had was just a home of fear, doubt and shame. So I had to begin to set myself free.
Over time, I learned that perfection was never the requirement. I can’t find the fine print of the guide to life anywhere, but if there was, I could assume my idea of perfection wasn’t one of the listed requirements. I didn’t have to get everything “just right”, because.. it already is. I was right from the moment I came to this earth. I was perfect, and still am perfect in this very moment, as are you.
As I have put more things out there, I learned that not everyone agrees with my idea of perfection anyways. So I might as well do it anyways. I know I don’t agree with other’s definitions of perfection either. But that’s what makes the world so beautiful, unique and interesting. Plus, even if no one else gets my definition of perfection, I do. And when I put myself out there, it provides healing and excitement to my younger selves that dreamt to become the woman I am (and am still becoming) today.
My religious upbringing caused me to live in a constant state of perfection so that Jesus would be proud of me. I didn’t want to fail Him in any way, so I did my best to live a “holy” life. While there were benefits to this lifestyle, I later recognized the oppressions I was under. I was incapable of expressing myself for years out of fear and judgement, not only from others, but also from God. I didn’t want my dreams or expressions to send me to hell.
Hence, my deconstruction journey has been so healing for me. I have since learned that the moment I had the dream, I was qualified and ready. I didn’t need to be any more anointed, any more time for God to work on me and perfect me until I could be seen… I was literally born ready. I was born free. I then became oppressed under the shackles of terrible religion and unrealistic, ridiculous expectations.
We are sacred beings. We are already whole. There is no more perfecting needed. Our first drafts are just as worthy as our final drafts. Think of a child. How much grace do we have for children’s first coloring draft. Some later become artists and their first drafts only become more cherished because it is now a documentation of how far they have come. Even if all that the child ever does is the first draft, it can still find its way to the fridge, as a badge of pride and joy for our caregivers.
We can treat ourselves the same way. We are allowed to treat ourselves this way. We often do not scoff at the baby struggling to walk while it is learning. Awe and excitement is met with this part of the journey for the child. Again, we can celebrate ourselves the same way. We can embrace ourselves the same way. You were perfect before, you are perfect now, and you will be perfect in the future. This means: all the things we deem as imperfections are perfection.
You were fully equipped the moment you had the vision. You were fully equipped the moment you had the dream. If you keep waiting for “just the right” equipment, sound, feeling, look, etc., you may find yourself in the richest place on earth, where dreams are endless, but cannot be fulfilled: the graveyard. Please keep in mind I am saying all of this with love. I have been here, still find myself in this cycle at times, but I want to share how we can dig ourselves out.
Please be reminded that you are human. That is all that ever has and will be required of you. Nothing more, nothing less. In the cycle of perfection, it can make ourselves feel as though we are not enough. This is a lie. We have always been enough.
Follow your dream. The world is waiting on you to be exactly who you were meant to be. Who you dream and envision yourself to be. You are immensely needed and worthy. No matter the dream, it is worthy. You are worthy of your dream. There is no “big” or “small” dream, there are only dreams.
Your dreams do not determine your size. Telling ourselves that we have a “big” dream may subconsciously communicate to ourselves that we see ourselves as small, and not yet “big” enough to accomplish the dream. But we are. We are the very vessel the dream needs in order to come to life in the first place. We are big enough. Your dreams alone should confirm to you that you are capable. That you can achieve it.
With all this being said, I would like to ask you a few questions for your reflection:
- What would you do if all limitations and restrictions were lifted off of you?
- Is there anything you can do today that would bring you one step closer to achieving this dream?
I believe in you. I believe in me. Let’s believe for our younger selves. We can always edit. We can always tweak later if we need. A typo wont hurt anyone. A flat note wont kills you. What will hurt, however, is the denial of self-expression. If you have something you have something you have been working on, I encourage you to publish it, and make any tweaks you need as time goes on.
With this blog, I have done this many times. I have sometimes felt that my piece wasn’t 100%, but I posted it anyway. I knew the message was far more important than the perfection. There are times that I I learn new information that would be great if it was in my original post, but I then remind myself that I can make the change or edit I want. Even though it’s already published. I do this all the time. And I am grateful for it, because it is not sitting in my drafts waiting to be perfect, but is already out there. I can leave this earth knowing at least I did this much, you know?
Life is not a finished piece. It is a piece of journey and progress. We can view our creations similarly. While we may receive criticism, what I have found, and what I will believe you will too, is that there is a pride that comes with our creations. It can ground and root you, and make you feel immensely proud of yourself because you’ve always envisioned these things, and now you’ve brought it to life. I’d say it’s among life’s greatest feelings.
Even if criticism comes your way, learn to understand what is for you and not. This is often an intuitive practice. However, I feel most of us know when someone is offering constructive criticism versus trying to tear us down. Even when it is constructive, it may not align with your vision. It is your art, so create. Make it how you envision. If you feel some feedback (positive or negative) you receive aligns with your vision, make adjustments. You can always make adjustments. I say this to say, never lose sight of your vision, though. Remain true to yourself while allowing yourself to experience growth and the occasional growing pains.
Now, before I close out, I’d like to share some creations that have helped me to dream, keep dreaming, and bring my dreams to life:
That’s all I got for ya! And I will reiterate my favorite quote I’ve already mentioned in this post: “the world is waiting on you to be exactly who you are meant to be”. As long as you are alive, you have the chance to see your dreams come to life. The journey may be “messy” and seemingly “imperfect”, but that is also a mindset. It is perfect. You are perfect. Your dreams are perfect. And you deserve to see them come to life. Your dreams deserve to be seen and lived.
Wishing you the absolute best.
And if you need to hear this from someone today, I believe in you.
